I resolved to visit at least one dealership each afternoon. Beginning in the morning I could sense the dread building in the pit of my stomach. I would eat breakfast, maybe do a little reading, but I knew what was coming. Dutifully, I’d get all dressed up, hop in the car, and with a beating heart drive to the dealership. The drive was definitely the worse part. If you’ve done any public speaking you know that you’re most nervous right before you go on stage and this was no different. I’d pull into the parking lot and the 2-3 hour process would begin. My nervousness gone I’d haggle like a Turkish rug salesmen. We could rarely agree on a price so after awhile I’d shake their hands and walk back to my car. Then waves of relief would sweep over me. I had done it. I didn’t let fear hold me back. It was an exhilarating feeling. I would go home and put my feet up so to speak. Hanging with my family, reading, sipping coffee, just enjoying life. The stress made those times oh so sweet.

Some people spend their lives trying to avoid stress. I think this is a mistake. Stress means we’re stretching and growing as people. To increase your muscle size and strength you have to literally stress your muscles. To run a 5k you have to stress your heart and lungs. Our bodies are designed to respond to stress. The key is to balance the stress of life with plenty of time to recover.

Maybe the key to a great vacation isn’t to keep it ’stress free’.

Photo Credit: BrittneyBush

1. Be A Listener

We tend to think of leaders as people who are very comfortable talking.  There is a grain of truth in that idea because leaders need to be good communicators, yet even more important than the gift of gab is the gift of  listening, here’s why.  When people feel listened to they feel you genuinely like them, when people feel you genuinely like them they tend to trust you, and when someone trusts you, they’ll follow you.  Listening is almost magical in the way it can magnetize people to you.  To develop your listening skills is surprisingly difficult so here are 3 tips to help you along the way.  First, ask questions.  This puts the ball in their court and allows you to adopt the posture of listener.  Second, make small engaging comments and sounds.  A simple, “Yep, I see what you’re saying” or a “uh huh” communicates that you’re really listening and encourages them to continue talking.  Third, shut up.  You’ll be tempted to jump in with stories, insights, and opinions of your own but just hold back.  When they’re ready for you to talk they’ll tell you with their words or their body language.

2. Keep Your Thumb To The Pulse

Good leaders know the “pulse” of their organization.  They don’t necessarily know how or why but they’re very in touch with employee and customer challenges, expectations, fears, and emotions.  If you ask a good leader “So what’s the vibe of your organization right now?”  They won’t look back at you with a blank look on their face, instead they’ll start talking.  There are few things worse than a leader who has lost the pulse of his/her organization because it begins to undermine their influence on those following them.  Employees begin to wonder “Why don’t they know about this?  How can they be so clueless?”  One of the best suggestions I’ve heard for any leader trying to keep the pulse of their organization is M.B.W.A., or, “Management By Wandering Around”.  It’s been an essential leadership principle at Hewlett-Packard for years and I think it can be especially useful for growing business or larger established organizations.  The idea is that a leader takes ample time each week to walk around, observe, listen, and connect with people.  Note the word “connect”.  This is about geniune listening and interaction, not spying!  What are people discussing at the water cooler?  What are their thoughts about the organization?  What’s been going well?  What hasn’t been going so well?  What would they change?  What do they miss?  The only agenda is to cut through bureaucracy and begin to regain the pulse of your organization.  

3. Be An Emotional Thermostat Not A Thermometer

A good leader tends to be a bit of contrarian.  When everyone is screaming “The sky is falling!  Stocks are dropping. Our economy is sinking.  This will be the end.  We’re going under fast.  It’s over.” The leader steps in and offers a calming influence.  Their words, tone of voice, and demeanor all communicate “everyone needs to take a deep breath and relax.  Yes times are hard but it’s going to be okay.  Let’s just focus on what we can control right now and move forward.  Things will change.”  This doesn’t mean they are in denial it just means they have wisdom.  On the flip side, when everyone is screaming “Things have never been better!  Stocks are up, up, up.  Onward and upward forever.  All our problems are solved.”  The leader again steps in and provides a calming influence.  ”Times are good so let’s be sure to enjoy them” they’ll say “but we all need to remember that this won’t last forever so let’s keep hustling and doing what we do with excellence.”  Thermometers reflect the outside temperature but a thermostat changes the temperature, as a leader be the thermostat when it comes to the emotions of you’re group.  Especially in times like we’re experiencing now people are looking for something special from you.

Tip #1: Simple Stretching

If you’re like most people you probably spend a good portion of your day behind a computer.  A few times a day take two minutes to try a handful of these exercises: loosen up your neck by rolling your head in slow circles, do the same with your shoulders, lift your hands above your head and cross them like an olympic swimmer diving into the pool, to stretch your forearm place your arm straight in front of you and pull your hand back towards your body.  This should get all those areas that tend to lock up during a long days work nice and loose.

Tip #2: Take 10 Deep Slow Breaths

Although this isn’t quite the same as an hour long meditation session, doing some controlled breathing can really help reduce stress levels by increasing oxygen to the brain and the release of endorphins (happy hormones) into your body.  Simply take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds, then release it and hold that breathless state for a few moments before inhaling again.  Repeat this a few times and you will instantaneously feel the difference.

Tip #3: Tea Please

Caffeinated coffee has been linked to increasing the perception of stress in our bodies by increasing the output of cortisol the “stress hormone” that regulates our blood pressure and blood sugar levels.  All that to say, if your experiencing high levels of stress you probably don’t want to go the local coffee shop and stock up on high levels of caffeine during your lunch break.  Tea (especially ginseng tea) on the other hand has been shown to bring hormonal balance and reduce stress level, so skip the coffee and make yourself a steaming mug of ginseng tea next time your circumstances are getting the best of you.

Tip #4: Keep The Multi-Vitamins Handy

High stress levels tax your body and deplete it of vitamins essential to your health.  Although you will get some of these nutrients in the food you eat (assuming you have a healthy diet) even the best eaters among us still don’t get enough nutrients naturally.  To counteract this keep a bottle of multivitamins by your desk and remember to take one each day.  Vitamin C will keep your immune system strong, Vitamin B will raise your energy levels, and Vitamin E has some great antioxidant powers.

Tip #5: Relaxing Tunes

Music has an amazing ability to help us regulate our moods and emotions.  Multiple studies have shown that listening to mellow or relaxing music lowers our blood pressure and eases the stress and tension in our bodies.  Of course, most of us don’t need scientific studies to tell us that music helps us relax!  Next time your feeling the strain put on a little Clair de lune or Ray Lamontagne and feel that tension slip into oblivion.

Post image shot by Michael Prince