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If you work with a team of people conflict is unavoidable. You had expectations of how something would work and those expectations go unmet. Someone makes an insensitive remark that stings just a little too much. A team member does that thing that drives you absolutely bonkers… again… and again. The temptation is to do one of two things.

First, you avoid it and hope that “time heals all wounds”. Of course the danger with this is that eventually you blow up. Someone does something small and you go ballistic on them. They’re befuddled because it seems so small. What they don’t realize though is that your unleashing the wrath of the previous 10,000 times they’ve done that thing but you just never mentioned it. This isn’t their fault, it’s yours pal.

Second, you talk to other people about it. “Can you believe how they do that?” “He drives me crazy when he says such and such. Does it drive you crazy too?” “She is such an idiot. I can’t believe she would say something so insensitive.” The problem with this is that you’re not helping the situation in any way. In fact, you’re probably making it worse because if the gossip gets back around to the original person trust is broken and your reputation ends up suffering. No one likes or trusts a gossip.

Of course there’s another option out there that unfortunately doesn’t get tried often enough. Talk to the person you have a problem with. What they?! I’m serious, sit them down and talk with them. Be honest and say, “Hey I’m sure you didn’t mean to but when you said such and such that offended me” or “I thought we had discussed x,y,z expectation but then in the meeting it seemed like you didn’t back that up. What was going on there?” This may seem like mamby pamby relational stuff but the reality is it works. Everything is on the table and the air is clear around your team because stuff gets talked about. No one worries that they’re going to get blindsided or that they’ll be the last in the office to hear about their latest shortcoming.

It’s a simple rule but it’s not easy. Just remember to be humble and more often than not people will be grateful that you took the initiative and brought it up.

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If you’re like me, the first thing you do when you get to work in the morning is check email. Nothing morally wrong with this. Most of us do it. However, it’s a surefire way to get distracted by the urgent and miss what’s most important.

Do you struggle with prioritizing your day? Do you feel like all you do is rush around putting out fires. Do you end the day and wonder, “what exactly did I accomplish?” Then I’d suggest you break this habit asap. Instead begin each morning by devoting one hour to a long term project. Perhaps it’s that presentation you’ve been putting off, the report that’s going to take more than 10 minutes to put to paper, or a desire to get a jump on a new design due today. Whatever the task, the reality is that the fires can wait 60 minutes while you actually get something done. Trust me.

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Sometimes we think we know what we’re trying to communicate when the reality is we don’t have a clue.

Our speech is titled “Making Money off Social Media” but the reality is that we spend about 30 brief seconds mentioning that and the next thirty minutes passionately describing the in’s and out’s of Facebook fan pages. What we didn’t realize is that our topic wasn’t our topic. We would have been better off titling our talk “Why Facebook Fan Pages Rock!” That’s really what we were trying to communicate.

Sometimes we have five points to our talk but it’s really point number three that is grabbing us. Don’t make the mistake of rushing through the other points so you can talk about number three. Make that your speech! We’d be much better off ditching the other four points and focusing in on that thing- it’s actually our topic anyway, despite the title at the top of the PowerPoint presentation.

Clarity is essential for effective communication. It may be the most important thing.

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Reading the contributions of various authors in Seth Godin’s new e-book one thought kept overwhelming me. “I appreciate the permission to rest.”

Certain authors were just hard chargers. “Do more! Work harder! Then work even harder!” They screamed at us like coaches with whistles around their necks.

Other authors (like Elizabeth Gilbert pg.11) were different though. They were saying, “Stop. Slow down. Relax. Enjoy Life. Notice your kids. Love your work. Invest in Relationships. Stop being unhealthy. Chill out. Take a vacation. Smile. Engage in a healthy way. Listen to your body. Listen to those around you. Listen to those who love you. When is enough enough?”

I guess we need both of these people in our lives but right now I need the coach who takes the whistle off and says, “Good job this year. I’ll see you in two weeks.”

This holiday be sure to give yourself permission to rest.

Photo Credit: Robert Voors

There is a reality we often don’t like to acknowledge. It’s that the time it takes us to accomplish something is often determined by how long we’re given to complete it. It’s almost like some sort of mental jujitsu our brain does to us.

If I have 2 years to build a house, I guarantee it will take me me the full two years (maybe longer). Whereas if I have one year I’ll figure out a way to get it done. This is true whether your in construction, web design, or lawn care. When we have a short time line we work faster and more efficiently. When we have tons of time to accomplish something our brain’s begin to see all of the nuances and somehow complicate the issue.

If you’re about to tackle a big project estimate however long you think it will take you to complete it and then cut that time in half.

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There’s lots of talk now days about brands. We’re told that organizations and even people have brands and that if you’re not building your brand then you’re so 1998. With all the hubbub surrounding the concept you may be wondering what exactly a brand is?

A brand is the sum of people’s emotional and psychological perception of you as a person or organization. If that sounds a bit fluffy or hard to pin down, you’re right, it is. However, alot of people have found it to be helpful because it makes the intangible important again. It says that every interaction a person has with you or your organization, from a phone call to the print marketing piece you ran in that trade magazine, is either positively or negatively effecting how folks perceive you. The beauty is that over time if you build trust with people they’ll come to love you. That’s why we hear people say things like, “I only drink Starbucks” or “I love my TOMS shoes”. Really, no other coffee on planet earth is good enough for you other than Starbucks? Did you actually just say the word love when connected with a pair of shoes?

Branding goes far beyond pretty logos. It’s the essence of what people feel when your name is mentioned.

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You’ve probably heard the saying hindsight is 20/20. Everything seems to get crystal clear as you look back on your life and see all of the mistakes you made. Why did you sell when you should have bought? Why did you go left when it’s so clear you should have gone right. How could you have been such an idiot? Those were such glaring mistakes. Or were they?

Scientists have figured out something called hindsight bias which it turns out massively influences our perspective of past events. What happens is that we look back on past events with the information we have now, not realizing that we didn’t have that knowledge then. This makes us feel like past events were more predictable and clear cut than they actually were. Sometimes what we call a mistake was simply a wrong decision. Even if you could do it over again you’d probably mess it up because armed with the information you had at that time it seemed right.

We need to ease up on the self of yesterday and cast a skeptical eye at ourselves today. He’s not as dumb as he seemed.

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I had the most stressful vacation ever last week because I had to go car shopping each day. I’m not a huge fan of haggling with used car salesmen so one might think that this promptly ruined my vacation but strangely enough just the the opposite happened.

I resolved to visit at least one dealership each afternoon. Beginning in the morning I could sense the dread building in the pit of my stomach. I would eat breakfast, maybe do a little reading, but I knew what was coming. Dutifully, I’d get all dressed up, hop in the car, and with a beating heart drive to the dealership. The drive was definitely the worse part. If you’ve done any public speaking you know that you’re most nervous right before you go on stage and this was no different. I’d pull into the parking lot and the 2-3 hour process would begin. My nervousness gone I’d haggle like a Turkish rug salesmen. We could rarely agree on a price so after awhile I’d shake their hands and walk back to my car. Then waves of relief would sweep over me. I had done it. I didn’t let fear hold me back. It was an exhilarating feeling. I would go home and put my feet up so to speak. Hanging with my family, reading, sipping coffee, just enjoying life. The stress made those times oh so sweet.

Some people spend their lives trying to avoid stress. I think this is a mistake. Stress means we’re stretching and growing as people. To increase your muscle size and strength you have to literally stress your muscles. To run a 5k you have to stress your heart and lungs. Our bodies are designed to respond to stress. The key is to balance the stress of life with plenty of time to recover.

Maybe the key to a great vacation isn’t to keep it ’stress free’.

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There’s a simple question we do our best to avoid- “Why?” It’s only one word but it packs quite a wallop. It’s a difficult question because it makes us question our assumptions, which isn’t normally comfortable but is almost always profitable.

Why do you do what you do? Why get up early every day to do your job? Why start something that’s so challenging? Why risk it? Our off the cuff answer is to say it’s about the money. We say we want to get rich and buy a bigger house or some other toy. But is it really about the money? Like the Baboon Rafiki in the Lion King I would ask you to “look harder” and see below the surface. Perhaps for you it really is about the money, but for most of us I think our ‘why’ runs much deeper. Towards the end of this keynote speech by entrepreneur and internet celeb Gary Vaynerchuk he articulated his motivation for business., “To make my parents proud and because I love the game.” What a simple and honest answer. I have a friend and mentor named Lee who runs a small company in Wylie, TX. One day over coffee he told me his why, “So I can spoil my wife (because she deserves it) and so I have a business to give my kids should they ever want it.” Again, simple and honest.

The reason this is important to identify is because at some point the yogurt is going to hit the fan. Your product isn’t going to work like you thought it would, your partner is going to quit on you, or your launch might end up less than stellar. At that moment it’s going to be important that you feel your ‘why’ down to your bones.

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Lot’s of consultants, books, and bosses encourage better time management. Clear checklists, more efficient meetings, and the ability to discern between the urgent and the important are all touted as the keys to career success. However, not everyone agrees with this theory.

In the book The Power of Full Engagement authors Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz argue persuasively that managing energy, not time, is the key to high performance and personal renewal. Their insight is that when we’re energized on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level we’re naturally more productive and happy.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself to see whether or not your managing your energy levels effectively. Do you need coffee to get things done? Do you have trouble concentrating for prolonged periods of time? Do you often feel overwhelmed with the tasks at hand? Do you dread Monday mornings? Have you seen your productivity drop as you age?

Your problem isn’t that your lazy or lack the ability to make clear checklists. You probably need to give some attention to your energy levels.

Photo Credit: Leo Reynolds