Sometimes the idea of taking leadership can be scary. We’re stepping out, making a commitment, and asking something of ourselves. All scary things. However, if you’re an aspiring leader who’s mouth goes dry and palms sweaty at the thought of leading, be comforted. The body language of the humans I’ve observed says they’re begging you to.

Photo Credit: Leo Reynolds

First, you avoid it and hope that “time heals all wounds”. Of course the danger with this is that eventually you blow up. Someone does something small and you go ballistic on them. They’re befuddled because it seems so small. What they don’t realize though is that your unleashing the wrath of the previous 10,000 times they’ve done that thing but you just never mentioned it. This isn’t their fault, it’s yours pal.

Second, you talk to other people about it. “Can you believe how they do that?” “He drives me crazy when he says such and such. Does it drive you crazy too?” “She is such an idiot. I can’t believe she would say something so insensitive.” The problem with this is that you’re not helping the situation in any way. In fact, you’re probably making it worse because if the gossip gets back around to the original person trust is broken and your reputation ends up suffering. No one likes or trusts a gossip.

Of course there’s another option out there that unfortunately doesn’t get tried often enough. Talk to the person you have a problem with. What they?! I’m serious, sit them down and talk with them. Be honest and say, “Hey I’m sure you didn’t mean to but when you said such and such that offended me” or “I thought we had discussed x,y,z expectation but then in the meeting it seemed like you didn’t back that up. What was going on there?” This may seem like mamby pamby relational stuff but the reality is it works. Everything is on the table and the air is clear around your team because stuff gets talked about. No one worries that they’re going to get blindsided or that they’ll be the last in the office to hear about their latest shortcoming.

It’s a simple rule but it’s not easy. Just remember to be humble and more often than not people will be grateful that you took the initiative and brought it up.

Photo Credit: markusthorsen

People are like that sometimes right? Beautiful, insightful, thoughtful, creative, and wise. However, my friend just laughed and said, “The thing that’s stood out to me this past year are how stupid people are.” I don’t know why but I was honestly surprised. The more I’ve thought about it though the more I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re both right. As humans we seem to have this incredible capacity for both beauty and stupidity.

At the end of the day though I’d rather focus on the beautiful stuff in people.

Photo Credit: Bruce McKay’s photostream

1. Be A Listener

We tend to think of leaders as people who are very comfortable talking.  There is a grain of truth in that idea because leaders need to be good communicators, yet even more important than the gift of gab is the gift of  listening, here’s why.  When people feel listened to they feel you genuinely like them, when people feel you genuinely like them they tend to trust you, and when someone trusts you, they’ll follow you.  Listening is almost magical in the way it can magnetize people to you.  To develop your listening skills is surprisingly difficult so here are 3 tips to help you along the way.  First, ask questions.  This puts the ball in their court and allows you to adopt the posture of listener.  Second, make small engaging comments and sounds.  A simple, “Yep, I see what you’re saying” or a “uh huh” communicates that you’re really listening and encourages them to continue talking.  Third, shut up.  You’ll be tempted to jump in with stories, insights, and opinions of your own but just hold back.  When they’re ready for you to talk they’ll tell you with their words or their body language.

2. Keep Your Thumb To The Pulse

Good leaders know the “pulse” of their organization.  They don’t necessarily know how or why but they’re very in touch with employee and customer challenges, expectations, fears, and emotions.  If you ask a good leader “So what’s the vibe of your organization right now?”  They won’t look back at you with a blank look on their face, instead they’ll start talking.  There are few things worse than a leader who has lost the pulse of his/her organization because it begins to undermine their influence on those following them.  Employees begin to wonder “Why don’t they know about this?  How can they be so clueless?”  One of the best suggestions I’ve heard for any leader trying to keep the pulse of their organization is M.B.W.A., or, “Management By Wandering Around”.  It’s been an essential leadership principle at Hewlett-Packard for years and I think it can be especially useful for growing business or larger established organizations.  The idea is that a leader takes ample time each week to walk around, observe, listen, and connect with people.  Note the word “connect”.  This is about geniune listening and interaction, not spying!  What are people discussing at the water cooler?  What are their thoughts about the organization?  What’s been going well?  What hasn’t been going so well?  What would they change?  What do they miss?  The only agenda is to cut through bureaucracy and begin to regain the pulse of your organization.  

3. Be An Emotional Thermostat Not A Thermometer

A good leader tends to be a bit of contrarian.  When everyone is screaming “The sky is falling!  Stocks are dropping. Our economy is sinking.  This will be the end.  We’re going under fast.  It’s over.” The leader steps in and offers a calming influence.  Their words, tone of voice, and demeanor all communicate “everyone needs to take a deep breath and relax.  Yes times are hard but it’s going to be okay.  Let’s just focus on what we can control right now and move forward.  Things will change.”  This doesn’t mean they are in denial it just means they have wisdom.  On the flip side, when everyone is screaming “Things have never been better!  Stocks are up, up, up.  Onward and upward forever.  All our problems are solved.”  The leader again steps in and provides a calming influence.  ”Times are good so let’s be sure to enjoy them” they’ll say “but we all need to remember that this won’t last forever so let’s keep hustling and doing what we do with excellence.”  Thermometers reflect the outside temperature but a thermostat changes the temperature, as a leader be the thermostat when it comes to the emotions of you’re group.  Especially in times like we’re experiencing now people are looking for something special from you.